November, Day 30

Today I am thankful for Modern Medicine. I don't even know if it is worthy of capitalization, but I'm doing it.

Last night I drove myself to the Emergency Room (stupid idea, I know) to see if they could figure out what the pain I was having was. It was pretty much center of my chest, and my gallbladder had been ruled out last week, and that doesn't leave a whole lot - lungs, diaphragm and heart. Well, with my Mom's family and their history of heart disease, I talked with The Husband and we decided to get it checked out. He stayed home with the kids, and I left for the hospital. I was seriously banking on it not being anything heart related, which is why I drove myself. If I honestly thought it was a heart issue, I would have gotten a ride, but I was 98% sure it wasn't, but I needed someone with some letters after their name to tell me that.

It turns out I've got some gastrointestinal "thing" going on, and last night they gave me a "GI Mix" which was lidocaine, Maalox and an anti-spasmodic drug, and wow! did that thing ever work. My pain went away in five minutes, and it was lovely.

I am supposed to follow up with a Gastroenterologist for a possible endoscopy. I am also wondering if there isn't a food allergy or sensitivity going on ... I had hives a few weeks ago and they broke out again last night, so I'm wondering if there is a connection. I highly doubt it, since my skin reacted wherever the adhesive touched me. I'm also taking a steroid for the next three days to keep the hives in check. I probably won't sleep alot either, as steroids tend to keep me awake.

So my thanks go to the hospital staff last night - here's hoping I don't have to see any of you again any time soon, unless it's in the produce section at the grocery store.

November, Day 28

Today I am thankful.

Nothing specific, just sitting in the middle of the living room, with the laptop on a toy bucket, my dinner menu to the left, a stack of invitations to the right of that, and my coffee on the right of me kind of thankful.

It's good.

November, Day 27

Today I am appreciative of my Mother in Law.

Yes, you read that right, in a world where it seems like people really dislike their MIL more than they like her, I actually am appreciative of mine.

Today we went out on our Annual Craft Fair Treasure Hunt, and we both came home with some goodies. She bought me, as she has for the past dozen years, a Christmas decoration. But that is not why I am appreciative of her.

She doesn't know all the details of our Financial Fall Out earlier this year. She just knows that she lent us some money to pay down some debt, with little background details. She hasn't asked me a thing about it yet. In my mind, she should have driven over here and shaken me by the shoulders demanding to know what in the world was going on in her oldest sons family. She didn't. She won't. She is being respectful of our difficult situation. For that I am thankful, because it is probably just as difficult for me to explain to The Husband's Parents what I did, as it was for me to face him.

In my mind, his parents need to think that we live in a land of bliss, and that the World is grand. I don't need them worrying about what goes on here ... they have enough going on without having to worry about us.

So, for that, and a million other reasons, I do appreciate my Mother in Law.

November, Day 26

Today is a lazy, after Thanksgiving Day.

I am making my own turkey today, with the hopes of leftovers for tetrazzini and soup next week.

The kids have a movie they wanted to see from the library, they're mostly getting along, and I've got a dinner to make.

It's good. It's the way I want it.

I don't know what I would call it ... maybe just the Day after Thanksgiving Bliss.

how it plays out

I just saw ... karma? ... play out right on my street.

One neighbor, Neighbor P, has had a broken furnace for more than two weeks, and has been waiting for pay day to be able to buy the parts needed to repair his furnace. Our other neighbor, Neighbor M, had her furnace go out last week and had her new furnace installed yesterday. Well ... the furnace that was taken out of her house yesterday had the part that Neighbor P's furnace needed, and he was able to go and scavenge the piece he needed for free, take it home, put it in and get his furnace working again.

Important Fact: Neighbor P has two small children at his house.

Both neighbors have heat, and it didn't have to put Neighbor P in the position to decide heat or food, heat or mortgage, heat or insurance? Neighbor M may be making payments for a year to pay off her furnace, but it's doable for her. Not necessarily fun to make payments, but it's doable.

How's that for timing?

November, Day 25

Today is the BIG DAY. The one day when everybody realizes that they are thankful/appreciative/glad for something or someone. But what about the other days in the year? I hope that people do notice, even if for just a second, that they had something or someone to be thankful for each and every day. It may be something small, or something trivial, or something so profoundly soul shattering that it takes their breath away. Whatever it is, I hope that people stop and notice what they've got, instead of being busy lamenting on what they don't have.

Yes, some of the "don't haves" are pretty profound. I don't have a Mom that is Earthside for me to spend my time with. But, I have gotten to a point in that journey, and it's taken almost the entire ten years she's been gone, that I can sit back and be thankful for the time I did have with her. The same with my Pops - he's been gone just over a year and my family has gone to pot over it, but I am glad that I had him for as long as I did.

Is my situation ideal, no. Would I like to be living differently, yes. But, I am thankful that my husband forgave me and we're figuring it out. We're going forward, and in the end, we'll be better for it.

Today I'm thankful for what I have and what I had, in all it's forms, good and bad. I've taken something away from every person and every experience, and I'm better for it.

November, Day 24

Today I appreciate the option to disagree.

November, Day 23

Today I'm thankful for Cream Cheese Frosting. Or something like that.

It's been an off sort of day, and it started last night and carried over into today.

I don't like this.

I attempted to drown my sorrows this morning in a batch of cream cheese frosting to go with a double batch of pumpkin squares. One tray was for school, the other tray will stay home and be eaten and shared over the course of a couple of days.

I suppose I should change it to being thankful that I have people in my life to share my baked goods with.

It's still not a great day, even frosted in cream cheese.

November, Day 21

Lazy. Kind of.

Today I am thankful for somewhat lazy Sundays.

*big sigh of contentment*

I went to bed crazy early last night, and slept in this morning, made my way downstairs and made cinnamon rolls for the kids. I warmed up a cup of coffee.

For the not so lazy part, I helped Q with his school project, due tomorrow. The details were brought home on Friday.

While waiting for certain bits of the project to cure, for lack of a better word, I cruised the internet.

I ordered our Christmas Cards! (We haven't sent cards in five years!!)

I made dinner, and the kids ate it.

In the oven, I presently have Nantucket Cranberry Pie, thanks to Pioneer Woman. If this tastes as good as it smells, it's new title may be Awesomeness in a Pan. If I could bottle the smells coming from my oven, I would. I could also make a million dollars with said bottled scent.

And now the kids are lounging around, playing, before we do a bit of reading before bed.

It's been a great Sunday. I only wish they could all be this good.

November, Day 20

Oh what a day it has been ...

This morning we were at a local middle school at 9am for the Annual Tae Kwon Do (TKD) tournament that our school hosts. The kids were scheduled for events at 9:30 (forms) and 10:30 (board breaking). My oldest nephew was also in the board breaking while the two nieces were hanging out with me in the bleachers.

My kids did pretty well, Q got a 2nd place trophy for forms and a 1st for boards. The Bee got a 1st place for forms and a 2nd place for boards. If you are a first place winner, you then qualify for Grand Champion of that competition, going up against all the other winners for age/belt rank.

I am thankful for my children's willingness to try, and to do their best, and to be a good sport even though they did not bring home the six foot trophy that they were aiming for. I am proud of them, because they have something that I will never have, and that is the lack of fear to stand up in front of everyone and to compete.

So, for Q and The Bee, know that Mommy loves you and I am proud of you trophy or no trophy, because you tried and you did your best, and that is all I can ask of you.

November, Day 19

It's still early in the day, so who knows what it may bring that could very well change my mind later.

I am thankful for the opportunity to go back to school in January. I haven't been in a classroom in a very long time, but this will help me with my recertification process. I have no idea if I even want to go back to a traditional school setting, but at least my teaching certification would be current, which would allow me the option to do a few different things.

So, while it will be a big adjustment, two classes, house, husband, two kids ... I'm up for it. I'm looking forward to the classes I've chosen too. It's nice that I can actually take a class that I need to take, and actually have it be something I'm interested in. Definitely a bonus.

Let's hope I can pull it off.

November, Day 18

Today I am thankful for shelter.

I know, it sounds ... whatever. But, we have to remember that shelter is not guaranteed to everyone, and those of us that do have it, I am willing to bet that we often overlook it or take it for granted. Our house is too small, too messy, not in the right neighborhood ... whatever. But, firstly, we should be thankful that we have something to complain about.

With the downturn in the economy, how many people are *pinch* this close to losing their home?

How many people wonder where they are going to get next months rent money?

How many people don't have anything to call home, outside of a shelter, a park bench, or a tent in a park somewhere?

It's cold out today, and the wind is brisk. The thermometer says is 40 degrees, but it doesn't feel like it. I'm cold, but I was able to get in a car that starts and drive home, put my key in the lock and let myself in. Yes, the windows in my house are drafty and need to be covered with plastic, as we do every year. Yes, the living room is a mess, and I've got a pile of laundry that's larger than I'd like to admit.

But, I was able to come in out of the cold. I have a place that my children come home to after school and drop their stuff and can grab a book and a blanket and read. I know that our mortgage is able to be paid next month, and the month after that. I don't have to worry about those things.

For my shelter, in all it's imperfections, I am thankful.

November, Day 17

** I'm using the back date feature, or whatever it's called, to put yesterdays date on my post, since I fell asleep at 9:00 last night, and was too busy during the day to post **

So, what could I have been thankful for yesterday?

I hit the ground running and didn't stop until 9:00 last night, when I fell asleep in the recliner reading a magazine that is over a month old (Halloween decorations and menus, not doing much good in November) ...

In hindsight, with my Thursday morning glasses on, I am thankful for a comfortable chair, a warm blanket and just enough quiet to let me get the sleep I needed.

November, Day 16

Today I am thankful for messes.

Because I have a mess, it means I have enough, or more likely, probably more than enough.

To put a positive spin on the chaos that my children create, mess is a good thing.

November, Day 15

Hmm ... I had a good "I'm thankful for ... " earlier today when I was in the middle of doing something, and I knew I should have come over here and blogged it.

I've now forgotten it.

Should I be thankful for a memory that works well?

November, Day 14

I am thankful for safe travels.

We just returned from a long weekend in Michigan with all sorts of family.

I saw my Dad, my sister and her two kids, met up with my husband, my in-laws, and later, my BIL, SIL & their three kids, saw cousins we hadn't seen in ten months, and then celebrated a 90th Birthday for Gigi.

Our travels were safe and uneventful, which is just the way I like them.

We're tired and have no desire to eat (we ate so much, and it was so good) or see the inside of a car until tomorrow morning, and we're home. Laundry to do, school to get ready for, a week to plan ... and we made it back here safely, so I could do just those things.

It's good.

November, Day 10

Oh, what a long day today was, and just for kicks, it was one of those days. Yes, one of those. You may know the kind of day I'm talking about - you hit the ground running with the sun, and you keep at it all day long, only to discover that you didn't get squat done, and then it just keeps coming at you.

Yep, it was one of those.

So for today, I would have to say that I'm thankful for down time.

November, Day 9

Connections.

I am thankful for connections.

I am in the process of becoming a DONA (Doulas of North America) birth doula. Part of the process requires that I attend three births, only one of which can be a cesarean. I attended my first certification birth, which was a home birth turned transfer turned cesarean. That was a train wreck that may have left me traumatized on many different levels than The Mom.

My second birth was a volunteer birth, that was organized through a friend. It was a beautiful midwife assisted hospital birth. Just lovely.

I am currently looking for a third birth to attend. This is where my connections come in to effect. I got my second birth through a friend that started a volunteer doula organization for our area. I have an interview for a potential client next week, again thanks to the same friend with her doula organization.

When I was first out of college, I did not want to take advantage of any connections that friends or family may have had, and I can say for a fact that because of that, I definitely missed out on some job opportunities, or at least an interview. This time around, on a new job search in a new life chapter, I will definitely take any points in the right direction.

I hope that one day I can return the favor.

November, Day 8

A Circle of Friends

Tonight I spent some time with like minded friends, and it was lovely. It is so nice to be able to surround yourself with people with similar values, ideas, parenting ideas, etc.

Today I am thankful for the values and ideas that draw us together, and the friendships formed from that.

November, Day 7

Today I am thankful that I could spend a perfectly ordinary Sunday with my husband at the hardware store looking at refrigerators, stoves and garbage disposals. We need to replace a broken disposal, and are looking at the other two because ours are 12+ years old and are starting to make goofy noises, and seeing as both of them have had work put into them, it may or may not be worth it for yet another service call.

This may sound perfectly ordinary, and why would one be thankful for that?

You see, I spent the last few years avoiding pretty much everything, including my husband. It was not a truly conscious decision, but for whatever reason and how ever it was (not) working, I avoided him. Today, as we were walking through the aisle with the drapery hardware, I realized how absolutely boring the hardware store was, but how, for us, it was a semi-monumental kind of day. We talked about appliances, and while they may be boring, we were actually talking about our home and our future, honestly and fully present in the conversation. If we would have tried to do this at this time last year, I would have pushed it to the side and ran and picked up the kids (they had a sleepover at the MB's last night) and spent the day fussing over them and avoiding and ignoring my husband.

This is some of the "what we're working on" I have alluded to in a previous post.

I told my husband how much I did realize how much I actually missed living my life, and apologized once again for it. He said it was okay, and that we were making it through. And while I know that, it still was not fair to him, the kids or myself.

So for some of you, actually, probably most of you, the perfectly ordinary may go unnoticed, but for me, today, it was monumental. And it was good.

November, Day 6

This may not be as deep and serious, but still serious in a topical way, I am thankful that my gallbladder didn't act up again last night, letting me get some much needed sleep.

I am not worth much after having been up for almost 36 hours, with only three hours of painful, fitful rest somewhere in there.

Me thinks a doctors appointment is in my future.

November, Day 5

I am thankful for the time that I have had. I don't have a diagnosis, nor am I being dramatic, but I am thankful for the time that I have had.

Today is my parents 25th Anniversary. My Mom has spent the last ten of them in Heaven.

It is also my StepDad's Mom's (Gram G's) birthday. She would have been somewhere in her mid-90's (SD is 73). She has spent the last ten birthdays in Heaven as well. Yes, it was a crap year - my Mom died in January and my Gram died the following July. Crappy.

I am glad that I was given a second family when my Mom chose to re-marry after my bio-parents divorce. I am glad that this second family accepted my Mom and I with open arms and no hesitation. I have always been proud of my somewhat wacky, overgrown family tree. It just branches out all over the place, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

And, I can't talk about one branch without the other, because had my Dad not remarried, I would not have my sister. I can't imagine life without her. She's awesome.

November, Day 4

Today I am thankful for a very understanding husband.

I really screwed things up about seven months ago. Badly. To the point that I seriously thought I could very well end up a single parent. We're still working through it, but he loves me, and he gave me a second chance. I do know, however, that there will not be a third.

I am trying very hard to be the wife and partner that he needs me to be. Some days are not easy, and at times I wish I could just ignore it all, but that is not an option. We're in this mess together, and we'll find our way back. Some parts of the journey will take longer than others, but I have faith that we'll make it. It may be slow and occasionally ugly, but we'll get there, and we'll be better for it.

Right?

November, Day 3

I am thankful for a great group of friends that I found for myself, simply by being. I have gathered these friends through school (the kids, I haven't gone back yet) and through my birth work. I have surrounded myself with a good group of people, and I couldn't be happier.

November, Day 2

I am thankful for all the other working keys on my laptop today. I am glad that just one has decided to stage a revolt.

Stupid letter F.

(It took three tries to get that to show up.)

November, Day 1

Today I am thankful for warm not-so-little bodies that snuggle up to me on the couch, even when they're sick. I don't like the sick part, but I'll take snuggling up on the couch anyday. He's not going to let me do this for much longer, so I better get it while I can.