Saturday, December 19, 2009

seriously?

We're coming down to the wire for Christmas ... no surprise, since it's always been the same date, for, oh, pretty much ever.

I offered to help one of my grandmothers do the shopping for the grandkids (ages 10 (December birthday), 8 1/2 and 7 (December birthday too) in one house and ages 7 and 5 at my house). I managed to get the other crew what I thought was a pretty cool gift, and I know they'll like it, for $52. Not bad. So, I figured that I'd go and find something in the $40 range for my kids, thinking that I was spending per child.

Nope.

I was told yesterday, that the goal was $30 per child, and that I had to spend the same amount per household. I have to go back out and spend an additional $40 for one house and then still some more for my own.

Why does this make me want to cry?

I feel like I am now shopping for spending moneys sake, not for the reason behind the gift. I was thinking that Gram would be pleased, because I came in under budget. Well, nope.

I look at the amount of things that the children in both of these houses already have, and the space limitations we're all working with, and with the thought in mind that they will be getting more "stuff" in the next week. I don't want to shop for shoppings sake, I want to get gifts for these children that I know that they will like, that they will appreciate, that they will take care of. Not just something to open on Christmas morning.

Perhaps I'm looking at it from the wrong angle, I don't know. I know that I've slowly been removing myself from the retail cycle, trying to give experiences and consumables, and things that last. It goes back to the "I just want to live simply" mantra that runs through my head.

So now, as I prepare to head out and shop some more, I don't do it with any joy, but with anxiety.

Am I a scrooge, and do I just not know it?

Sunday, December 13, 2009

really, I do

I really want to blog, really, I do ...

But why can't I get over here to do it?

I hate feeling like my life is a list of good intentions, but that I lack follow through.

Has facebook taken over my blogging? I know that it has definitely taken over some of my other "freer" time. I now do my best to hop on in the morning and at night, and to limit my time to an hour a day. Otherwise, it's a huge time suck.

I've also found about two dozen other blogs that are so beautiful, so inspiring, so creative ... all the things I aspire to be ... that I live vicariously through them, and let my own little blog wither from lack of attention.

I've got a mental list a mile long of things to share, but they still remain, in my mind, not yet shared with my oh so pathetic readership of two.

I don't think I ever openly shared my blog with my friends or family, because, you know, that would mean that I am putting myself "out there" for my friends and family to see further into our lives. I'm pretty open about it anyway, but for some reason, actually admitting I've got this little slice of the blogosphere is a risk I haven't taken yet. And it's been a while, so I probably should get over it, but ... not only is it withering from lack of attention, at least I am not sharing my blogful neglect with anyone else, except the couple of you that pop over here to check on things. Thanks, you two.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

zipped through September

And now we're halfway into October.

I think of a half dozen things every day that are "bloggable" and worth mentioning ... I know that I hit facebook on a fairly regular basis, so that is one outlet of mine.

Right now, for example, I wanting to blog here, but am being distracted by other things ...

Perhaps I'll make a blog date for Friday, when both kids are at school.

Back then.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

I guess so ...

I guess it can get busier, because it sure did.

I came back here, and look, we're already a month into school.

I don't know if I like how that went.

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

can it get any busier?

I mean, really?

I know I frequently mention THE LIST ... and how long it is, and how I should do this or that or the other ... but, ya know, I just don't feel like it. And I keep picking up other projects that just keep pushing other things to the lower end of the list.

A couple of weeks ago, I picked up a very cool school desk for Q. He is my story teller, artist, drawer of many things. He has repeatedly told me that he plans to be an artist when he is older, but his schedule varies. Some times it will be only in the mornings, leaving his afternoons free to be The President. Last week, he told me he was going to be an artist on Monday, Wednesday and Friday, leaving Tuesday and Thursday open for "being a worker". But, back to the desk. Tonight, I spent some time and expended some energy removing rust spots from the desk, with the help of a wire brush. I've got the first coat of primer on the top part of the desk, I'll put the first coat on the bottom portion of the desk tomorrow night. Then, once all is said and done, and, probably next week when the desk has been painted, I'll have to make a space in his room for it. But then, once that miracle has been worked (bunk beds don't give me much to work with), I will get to stand in his doorway and watch him create - stories, pictures, pictures with stories ... whatever his creative soul brings forth.

My daughter graduated from Preschool last Sunday. We had the ceremony in the park, and unlike last year, which involved many tears on her part, and much clutching of my skirts, she sang her heart out! I could not have been more proud of her ... the difference in my child from August 2007 when she started Preschool and the girl I hang out with today is amazing. She has grown so much, in so many ways. Yes, she completely tries my patience some days, and she can baffle me quicker than anyone I've run into so far, but she is a truly wonderful little big girl. I know that we will continue to butt heads, from here on out, but she's my girl.

This week is the last full week of school for Q - his last day, due to a bunch of snow days this year, is next Tuesday. He goes for all of an hour and a half, whatever that's worth. Last week was full of poetry recitals, the week before was Teacher Appreciation, and this week is the End of Year Carnival. Add to that, getting a card signed by all the kids, an unannounced ice cream treat on Thursday, and every day life in between all of that, and I'm a bit tired. We're looking forward to the end of school and the start of Summer Break. We'll see how we're feeling at the beginning of August.

Oh, and to continue on in my rambly way, I have a new neighbor. Our next door neighbors welcomed Sweet Baby Michael today. Mom, Dad and Baby are doing well, and from the pictures I saw, I think that this baby is going to get a lot of hugs and kisses, because wow, is he adorable.

So now, I look at the clock and need to decide ... finish the dress that I started two months ago, or go read a book for a bit before I go to bed. I think I'll work on the dress, because I'd like The Bee to wear it to the parties we're going to this weekend. If I get it done, maybe I'll come back and post a picture. We'll see how that works.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

well ...

It looks like my blog is suffering from a serious case of neglect. Hmm ... one would think that since I have all this free time on my hands, I could be a blogging fiend. Not so, folks. Not so.

I have adjusted fairly well to being unemployed, and I think that I only went through five bottles of wine to get there. And I have a back up bottle in the fridge. Not bad. Although, in addition to the lack of funds, I have noticed that I have gained about 3/4 of a pound for every week of my unemployment, so now I am not only unemployed, trying to decide which direction to steer my future, but my pants don't fit. Nice.

*Deep Breath*

It's just past the mid point of April. My dear husband celebrated a birthday last week, and I realize that I do not treat him as well as I probably should. He is so kind to me, and while I am not mean to him, per se, I could probably be nicer to him. I should work on that. Yesterday, after I took a particularly nasty spill on the bike, while taking The Oldest Child to a birthday party, he even stopped and got me a fountain soda (I love fountain soda, especially at this time of year on very lovely days), without me asking. Seriously, the man knows that a 32 ounce soda will make my day. And then, while we were out last night, and I wasn't moving very much at all because every part of my body aches, he got me a cup of coffee. When somebody remarked that he didn't know how I drank it, our simultaneous response was, "it depends on the day and the coffee" ... in all those other moments when you think they aren't noticing things, they are. Yes, it sounds stupid, after all, it's only coffee, but it tells me that he is paying attention. I love him.

It's a quiet, drizzley morning at our house, and as I look out my window, and see my yard greening up, while sipping a cup of hot coffee ... my life is good. Yes, there are a dozen things I would change or improve upon, but overall, life is good to me. I have had my fair share of rough spells, at times thinking it was way more than I deserved, but life is good. I am slowly making the changes I want to make, so I can live my life, our life, the way we want.

For me, this means slowing down, and appreciating the everyday, the ordinary.

We took a planned vacation (meaning, before I became unemployed) last week, coming home on my husbands birthday. We spent four days in Arizona visiting with his grandparents. The Bee was sick with some sort of goofy fever on and off for most of our time out there, so we were definitely slower than we would have been otherwise. And, if you factor in the newly casted left arm that Q is sporting, it was a slower paced vacation. The kids drew picture after picture for The Uber Big G's, their fridge is now well decorated. They wrote and told stories. We had the chance to go across the street and pick oranges and lemons and grapefruit off of the neighbors fruit trees. Then, we brought it home and made fresh squeezed lemonade, and Q ate two oranges, that he had picked not ten minutes prior. They chased lizards through the rocks, flew cheap glider planes that the Easter Bunny brought and blew bubbles for The Uber Big G's. We came back from vacation feeling relaxed, although tired from being up with uncomfortable and/or sick kids every night that we were there, and ready to transition back into real life.

So, even though The List is a mile long, that's okay. So what if my house isn't perfect and needs some love and attention. I don't care - it'll happen. The world is going to keep turning, regardless of what is going on in our little corner of the world, so I'm just going to keep going on too.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Where have we been?

Well, not here, that's for sure.

We managed to survive the snow and the cold that January brought us.

We watched the inaguration of a new President, wishing that we could be in Washington, DC. Can you imagine just being there, in the crowd, regardless of your voting record. I am kicking myself that I was not in Grant Park on Election Night. What was I thinking?!

February found me unemployed. Unexpectedly unemployed at that. Told over the phone, unexpectedly unemployed. Able to go in the next day and tell the people that I've worked with for, in some instances, TEN YEARS, that I had to come in and pack up my desk, that my job was one of the six positions eliminated, unexpectedly unemployed. It was a lovely twenty four hours, I must say.

February also found us with the flu. That was a fantastic four and a half days. Just Fantastic.

And, now, being totally housebound because of the crappy ass weather, for what seemed like for-freakin-ever, we were out playing today.

With bats and baseballs. With kettle cars. With Power wheels. With each other. Without our gloves and our scarves. In our sweatshirts.

It was so nice to be outside today ... the garage was open, I vacuumed out the car after three months of salt and snow, the kids burned off some serious energy, and I got to see a bit of the sun. It was glorious.

So now, as I try to figure out what direction my life goes in next, I will sit back and try to have an "Attitude of Gratitude". Thankful that I was able to work for an organization that I truly believed in for ten and a half years, and that I made a host of wonderful friends. I can honestly say that I am a better person and a better parent for having worked there. It may have ended in a way not of my choosing, but I take from it more than I could have expected when I started there as a single female, a recent transplant to the area, knowing only the person I moved in with (I did marry him!). I left there, having gotten married, watching my Mom pass away, having two children, becoming an aunt seven times over, and making some terrific friends. While I'm sorry it ended, I am thankful for everything I gained.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

a bit o crafting

I took advantage of the quiet time tonight and was able to finish a project I started before Christmas. I bought the rice, and we're still eating it, because, well, ten pounds is a lot of rice. But after staring at the empty rice bag for a while, I knew I could turn it into something, so why not a totebag of sorts? I think it's big enough to hold a water bottle, a notebook and a library book. I lined the zipper part as well (the original opening on the bag), so I can put my drivers license and cell phone in there, not worrying about them getting lost.













My first piece of upcycled/recycled art.


I'll see how it holds up, and how crazy people think I am.