seriously?

We're coming down to the wire for Christmas ... no surprise, since it's always been the same date, for, oh, pretty much ever.

I offered to help one of my grandmothers do the shopping for the grandkids (ages 10 (December birthday), 8 1/2 and 7 (December birthday too) in one house and ages 7 and 5 at my house). I managed to get the other crew what I thought was a pretty cool gift, and I know they'll like it, for $52. Not bad. So, I figured that I'd go and find something in the $40 range for my kids, thinking that I was spending per child.

Nope.

I was told yesterday, that the goal was $30 per child, and that I had to spend the same amount per household. I have to go back out and spend an additional $40 for one house and then still some more for my own.

Why does this make me want to cry?

I feel like I am now shopping for spending moneys sake, not for the reason behind the gift. I was thinking that Gram would be pleased, because I came in under budget. Well, nope.

I look at the amount of things that the children in both of these houses already have, and the space limitations we're all working with, and with the thought in mind that they will be getting more "stuff" in the next week. I don't want to shop for shoppings sake, I want to get gifts for these children that I know that they will like, that they will appreciate, that they will take care of. Not just something to open on Christmas morning.

Perhaps I'm looking at it from the wrong angle, I don't know. I know that I've slowly been removing myself from the retail cycle, trying to give experiences and consumables, and things that last. It goes back to the "I just want to live simply" mantra that runs through my head.

So now, as I prepare to head out and shop some more, I don't do it with any joy, but with anxiety.

Am I a scrooge, and do I just not know it?

really, I do

I really want to blog, really, I do ...

But why can't I get over here to do it?

I hate feeling like my life is a list of good intentions, but that I lack follow through.

Has facebook taken over my blogging? I know that it has definitely taken over some of my other "freer" time. I now do my best to hop on in the morning and at night, and to limit my time to an hour a day. Otherwise, it's a huge time suck.

I've also found about two dozen other blogs that are so beautiful, so inspiring, so creative ... all the things I aspire to be ... that I live vicariously through them, and let my own little blog wither from lack of attention.

I've got a mental list a mile long of things to share, but they still remain, in my mind, not yet shared with my oh so pathetic readership of two.

I don't think I ever openly shared my blog with my friends or family, because, you know, that would mean that I am putting myself "out there" for my friends and family to see further into our lives. I'm pretty open about it anyway, but for some reason, actually admitting I've got this little slice of the blogosphere is a risk I haven't taken yet. And it's been a while, so I probably should get over it, but ... not only is it withering from lack of attention, at least I am not sharing my blogful neglect with anyone else, except the couple of you that pop over here to check on things. Thanks, you two.

zipped through September

And now we're halfway into October.

I think of a half dozen things every day that are "bloggable" and worth mentioning ... I know that I hit facebook on a fairly regular basis, so that is one outlet of mine.

Right now, for example, I wanting to blog here, but am being distracted by other things ...

Perhaps I'll make a blog date for Friday, when both kids are at school.

Back then.

I guess so ...

I guess it can get busier, because it sure did.

I came back here, and look, we're already a month into school.

I don't know if I like how that went.

can it get any busier?

I mean, really?

I know I frequently mention THE LIST ... and how long it is, and how I should do this or that or the other ... but, ya know, I just don't feel like it. And I keep picking up other projects that just keep pushing other things to the lower end of the list.

A couple of weeks ago, I picked up a very cool school desk for Q. He is my story teller, artist, drawer of many things. He has repeatedly told me that he plans to be an artist when he is older, but his schedule varies. Some times it will be only in the mornings, leaving his afternoons free to be The President. Last week, he told me he was going to be an artist on Monday, Wednesday and Friday, leaving Tuesday and Thursday open for "being a worker". But, back to the desk. Tonight, I spent some time and expended some energy removing rust spots from the desk, with the help of a wire brush. I've got the first coat of primer on the top part of the desk, I'll put the first coat on the bottom portion of the desk tomorrow night. Then, once all is said and done, and, probably next week when the desk has been painted, I'll have to make a space in his room for it. But then, once that miracle has been worked (bunk beds don't give me much to work with), I will get to stand in his doorway and watch him create - stories, pictures, pictures with stories ... whatever his creative soul brings forth.

My daughter graduated from Preschool last Sunday. We had the ceremony in the park, and unlike last year, which involved many tears on her part, and much clutching of my skirts, she sang her heart out! I could not have been more proud of her ... the difference in my child from August 2007 when she started Preschool and the girl I hang out with today is amazing. She has grown so much, in so many ways. Yes, she completely tries my patience some days, and she can baffle me quicker than anyone I've run into so far, but she is a truly wonderful little big girl. I know that we will continue to butt heads, from here on out, but she's my girl.

This week is the last full week of school for Q - his last day, due to a bunch of snow days this year, is next Tuesday. He goes for all of an hour and a half, whatever that's worth. Last week was full of poetry recitals, the week before was Teacher Appreciation, and this week is the End of Year Carnival. Add to that, getting a card signed by all the kids, an unannounced ice cream treat on Thursday, and every day life in between all of that, and I'm a bit tired. We're looking forward to the end of school and the start of Summer Break. We'll see how we're feeling at the beginning of August.

Oh, and to continue on in my rambly way, I have a new neighbor. Our next door neighbors welcomed Sweet Baby Michael today. Mom, Dad and Baby are doing well, and from the pictures I saw, I think that this baby is going to get a lot of hugs and kisses, because wow, is he adorable.

So now, I look at the clock and need to decide ... finish the dress that I started two months ago, or go read a book for a bit before I go to bed. I think I'll work on the dress, because I'd like The Bee to wear it to the parties we're going to this weekend. If I get it done, maybe I'll come back and post a picture. We'll see how that works.